But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Randomize
