Do you still have your period?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
