I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
