I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
if only i could text you this smell
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
