i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
smell my finger.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
