now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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