I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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