They should really pass out barf bags in church
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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