And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
