well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
