I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
