I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
