you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
