so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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