You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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