I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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