There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
