Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Dicks are not precious.
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