So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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