My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
