I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
