alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
