apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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