It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
