they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
