I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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