We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
