he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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