I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
