Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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