It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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