your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
