It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize