just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
