I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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