it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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