finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
