i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
