Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
