Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
When are your genitals available?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize