Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
