I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
