I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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