Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
