Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
