I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
