clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
