she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
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He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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