Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
