After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
