Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You left your underwear on the fireplace
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
