it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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