You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
