My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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