what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
