He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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