I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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