Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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