so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
