So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You made out with two different species that night
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
