Someone shit on the floor
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
