it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
