Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
