He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Are we still banned from the library?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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