I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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