That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just threw up on my dentist
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Randomize
