Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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