just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
