How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
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He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
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I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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