I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
