remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
