If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
