i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
