dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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