So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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