that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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