Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
