Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
